Singleness....the disease....

This past weekend Dr. Terry Thomas preached on "Things we want more of: Love." Last week was "Things we want more of: Time," which I am still letting sink in...considering that five minutes after he got done, I was impatiently staring at the woman next to me wondering when she was going to get up for communion.


He started with some famous love songs...

Here in your arms I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now I think I would die
You're more than a woman to me...


Talk about alot to live up to. Paradise? My only chance for happiness? Apparently the writer of that song never ventured to Target.

Pastor Terry talked about 2 myths that we can misguidedly have:


1. I need this other person to fulfill my needs.

2. If this person needs me, I will feel complete.

Have you ever found yourself feeling like this? That the other person you are with is your entire being...and without them, you aren't happy? I have. And although you rarely see it like that when you are going through it, it's pretty easy to do. Pretty selfish too. While making attempts to try to complete yourself through another person, you become extremely selfish and end up defeating the purpose for which you began the relationship in the first place.

I was sitting there...in the safety of my third row seat...trying to recall all of the relationships I had been in. Going through my own little relationship autopsy. Wondering if I had been guilty of this in some, if not all of them. Guilty of starting too fast. Guilty of putting aside what God was trying to show me. Guilty of putting aside the other persons shortcomings. Guilty of taking my singleness into my own hands, rather than enjoying the season I am in. I was talking with a friend the other day about our singleness...and how hard this wedding season was for her. She had dealt with the many questions that we all get..."Why aren't you dating anyone?" "Why aren't you married?" "Don't you want to be married and have a family?" "There's plenty of guys out there to date" and my personal favorite..."Aren't you getting a little old?"

The anticipation of those questions can make any single girl run for the hills.

Just like the myths Pastor Terry talked about, society can have those same myths about being single. Society (and by society I mean your Aunt Ellie at your cousins wedding) can seem to think that unless we are dating or married, we are unfulfilled. That we are not complete.

P.T. referenced a book called "Relationships" by Dr. Leslie Parrott. In it they talk about a 4 step process to making sure you are ready for a relationship, and are getting into one with the right mindset.

• Healing your own hurts
• Taking off the mask
• Sit in the drivers seat
• Turn to rely on God

In healing our own hurts, it's important that we take inventory of our own baggage and brokenness. Everyone has hurts from our past. To quote Pastor Steven: "You're screwed up and I'm screwed up." We're all messed up. The challenge is to heal those hurts and not carry them into a future relationship.

Taking off the mask. Sounds pretty scary, huh? It definitely can be. Letting others in to see the real you not only means being vulnerable; it also means that in order to show others the real you, you first must know who the real you is. It's so amusing to me when I hear about couples that got married early or quickly...only to find out later that that person changed. That person didn't change. You simply did not know who they were. They also might not have known who they were at the time which is why it's so vital that we continue to take courtship and dating seriously. How easy is it to get to know someone? Pretty easy...if you are asking the right questions. How often are you asking the right questions if you are jumping into the physical intimacy of a relationship quickly? Not often is my guess. We as Godly women have got to be firm on this! Set the boundaries and guidelines right away. Let them know exactly what you are looking for and what you will not do. Not only because you want to get to know them, but because we are called to obey God's commands.

Which leads to the third point: Sit in the drivers seat. This can only come with time spent alone and full knowledge of where you are and who you are as a child of God. You've got to know the plan for your life. A plan that includes following God's word and living it. Ever hear the phrase, "If you don't know what you stand for, you'll fall for anything?" That applies here. If you don't know what it is you are willing to fight for, you could be talked into just about anything. Know what you stand for, what is important to you, and don't compromise. God doesn't direct us to compromise.

Turn to rely on God. When we come to the understanding that we are no longer 'out of Christ' (in the dark, lost, dead) but 'in Christ' (in the light, saved, alive), our identity is set. We no longer have to question who we are. We are loved unconditionally by the Creator of the universe who sent His only begotten Son to the world so that we may live through Him 1 John 4:9. When we know that our identity is in Christ, we find a restoration through God's love. That love allows us to take off our mask and sit in the drivers seat.

Sitting in the drivers seat looks a little something like this for me.

I know who I am.

I am...

God's child...For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God 1 Peter 1:23

Forgiven...In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace Ephesians 1:7

Delivered...For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves Colossians 1:13

Strong...Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty plan Ephesians 6:10

Complete...And you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority Colossians 2:10

Does any of this make it any less lonely? Does it make it any easier to watch a romantic movie or struggle to keep your thoughts on God during a wedding? No way. But I am resting in the faith that the Lord of creation...the Maker of the heavens and earth...knows my hearts desire. He knows every hair on my head, and certainly knows what I am looking for in a husband. My job now is to listen to Him. Let Him guide my steps, and continue to bask in His words and glory. When I am ready, He will bring it to light. Do I think I was called to be single? Yes. Today, I am called to be single. I cannot say about tomorrow.

And to that pesky little question that all us single girls hear way too often, "Why aren't you married?"

Maybe the correct answer would be, "The reason I am not married today is so that the work of God might be displayed in my life."

Acknowledging Anger With God

Today's guest post by Maggie...and I'm so glad she did. Some really amazing insight that I know is important for us all to hear...and feel our way through.

Several wise people in my life, along with me noticing a rather draining and sad pattern in my walk with Christ, keep pointing to one thing: I'm angry with God.

But every time I've arrived at this conclusion, whether by myself or by someone who loves me, I sit and think, "Ok, so I exhibit all the signs of someone who is angry with/at God...I don't feel any anger. Why would I be angry? Who am I to be angry against the Creator and Sustainer of the universe? No, I'm not angry. I've just been lazy in doing my part. Shame on me."

So I write it off, and with my ever famous (and often destructive) attitude of self-well, I continue down the path, only to get distracted and frustrated again a short time later.

Today, while reading a book called "Embracing Biblical Love" by Nancy Groom, the author boldly shares a recent journal entry of hers, in which she realized what anger with God really looked like. It stopped me dead in my tracks. The bold is my emphasis, not the authors, as an indicator of where it really hit home.

"My anger against God doesn't feel like I thought it would. I thought I'd feel deep rage and an overwhelming desire to hurt Him. Instead I find just a deep complaint, a nagging self-pity, a free-floating dissatisfaction with life and relationships, a quiet conviction that I deserve something better, a profound absence of genuine gratitude for God's gifts, a deep belief that I don't need a Savior (I've done quite well at living the Christian life without much help from God or anyone else), and an appalling lack of love for inner connectedness with God. That angry arrogance shrouds my soul and I am helpless to remove it. If God does not break in, I am undone. I can only ask-petition-beg for grace...and at the same time wonder whether I even want or need it. How profound my rage must be! Deep within is a core of hardness and self-sufficiency, an inner stronghold of resistance to grace that frustrates me as surely as it must grieve the Father. Whatever it is, I love its safety more than I want God right now."

Wow. While what Groom has to share does not solve my problems, there is freedom in finding someone else's words that explain thoughts and feelings that so profoundly summarize what I couldn't express. The conviction was heavy, but God's love for me in revealing my sad state couldn't have come at a more perfect time. His time. Lately I've been trying to fix it. With people, things, and places. With reading the Bible more, with gossiping less, with trying to be a better friend, with entertaining myself through hobbies and interests.

Yet when I finally broke down in my grueling state of frustrated prayers, when my self sufficiency again ran out of fuel, and I cried out that I didn't know why I didn't love and want God more, He heard the scared, lonely child who just wanted to find her way back Home; and I heard a Father who had long since been waiting to show me the way.

I thought you might appreciate this because as a woman in today's culture, it is often drilled into us that we do have to be everything to everyone, and that we can only really depend on our own strength and ability to get it done! The message that "self sufficiency is the only sure way" is all too prevalent in our culture, and when waiting on God doesn't yield the results we want right away, it's an easy lie to buy! I thought you might appreciate the reminder and live today in the freedom of knowing it's ok to not be enough, because Jesus is. And it's ok to not have it all figured out either, because He will guide you if you seek Him.

Praying that He gives you the strength and conviction to keep you moving forward in your relationship with Him, while having the patience to wait on Him at the same time, no matter how crazy or broken things may seem.

Believing

Father, thank You for Your mighty promises. Your Word is a lamp unto my feet. Like Peter walking on the water, I want to step out on Your Word and stand above the circumstances around me. I am sorry for the times I have allowed the concerns of this world speak louder to me, than the truth of Your Word. I choose right now to align myself with Your Word, trusting in Your faithfulness. I hold up Your mighty promises and Your commandments as the standard of my life.

I thank You that, "Not one of Your good promises has ever failed." I proclaim my complete trust in Your promises and my obedience to Your commands. I pray as King David did, "Oh that my ways may be established To keep Thy statutes!" Strengthen my faith, Lord, that I might honor You as I stand on Your promises.

For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12

Not one of the good promises which the Lord had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass.
Joshua 21:45

For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, in order that by them you might become partakers of divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.
2 Peter 1:4

Have you been concerned with the things of this world lately?

Turn your thoughts to Him. Thank Him for His promises and faithfulness.

They are everlasting.

My Date With Slick

I had a date tonight.

He was tall, strong, protective, and took me to see the most beautiful view I've seen in a long time.

His friends call him Slick.

Oh, did I mention? He's a horse. I was so excited...it's been quite a few years since I had been riding. A good friend has been going for a few weeks now, and I finally found some time to join her! I got to the farm...and they introduced me to Slick. We saddled up and headed off...with no guide. They assured us the horses pretty much knew their way through the woods, and if not, they would be along in a bit to find us. Sounds assuring, huh? So, Forbes and Slick carried us into the woods and up the mountain. It was so beautiful out...a cool 75 degrees...the sun was starting to sink in the sky...and nothing but us, our horses, and nature.

I realized pretty quickly that Slick had a mind of his own. He had no desire to follow my lead...nor my desired pace. Needless to say, it was a slow start. We had lots of distractions due to the fact that Slick really didn't want to do anything but take his good old time. I'm quite positive that both Forbes and Slick knew that there wasn't a guide with us. They knew they could practically get away with anything.

We started up the mountain and were trying to lead them to the right. They went left. We eventully made it to the top and came upon a huge clearing. They are trained...and I use the word 'trained' lightly...to get to the top, go down the path around the bottom, and run back to the clearing. This would be the moment that Slick decided the last thing he wanted to do was run. He wanted to eat the grass and flowers in front of him. I guess his free time out of the barn was too much to pass up.

I reluctantly got him to the path and we started back to the point where he was supposed to run. I kicked him hard and he took off. For about 5 feet. Slick just didn't want to do what I wanted him to. He was grumpy and digging his feet in. Literally. After a few times around that path...Slick had had enough. Then the guides arrived with another group, and proceeded to inform me that Slick was indeed grumpy and is known for biting and kicking other horses.

Ten minutes later...he bit Forbes.

On the way down the mountain...Forbes was ready to get away from us. So it was just me, Slick, and the deer crossing our path. It was so peaceful and relaxing...to be taking in all of the beauty around me. Being so grateful for God's gifts that surrounded me. Everything was so simple. At that moment I was more convinced that this was where I needed to be. Away from the city...away from the business of it all. Somewhere that life was simple. Somewhere that I could take in true nature everyday. And all of a sudden...the peace I had been longing for came.

Just like Slick, I had been having a rough few days. There were definitely some people I wanted to 'bite,' but I got through it. With lots of time in the Good Book, heartfelt prayers from friends, and some alone time with Slick. By the end of our date, I was serenading him with some Jesus.

I think he even smiled.